Okay, so I had to face scary bosses too many times at the beginning of my career. Often this is the Universe’s way of giving you the opportunity to toughen up. But it took me a lot longer to get there.
Ideally, you’d hear their harsh words, then take five seconds before responding: “Ok, that tone and language aren’t going to get me to deliver what you need, so I suggest we either address this now, or we reschedule this conversation.”
Hmmmm, so you’re possibly thinking, there’s NO way I would be able to say that in the moment! And half the time you are right. Your body probably goes into shock paralysis at being spoken to like that. So here is how to fix this:
Role play those situations. Practise saying those words (or a polite variation that works for you) out loud in front of the mirror. Nature is an awesome thing and your body has muscle memory so it will be much easier to say those words next time scary boss has a mini tantrum.
You could also say something along the lines of: Thanks for this professional growth opportunity and teaching me how unprofessional it is to speak to colleagues like this and walk away.
Treat them like a toddler having a tantrum. Nod politely, you are likely to have lost respect for them. Then see if there is anywhere in the organisation where you can second yourself out to.
[Not a fan of this, but if absolutely necessary, keep an audit trail of when they speak to you like that and go to HR.]
What’s the worst that can happen? If they do sack you, then you will get another job. But ensure you write a clear email (devoid of emotion) on why you are leaving and send it to the CEO of the company.
Have a safe space colleague or separate human to whom you can rant.
Start looking for a new job. There are some industries where sadly those sorts of people can be the norm. So whilst you can use this opportunity as a professional growth learning moment, you are unlikely going to change your boss. Recognise this and take back your power.
TOP TIP: Deal with this behaviour head on, otherwise the Universe will keep sending you opportunities to learn it.
Side story: Pre-children, I was interviewing for my first serious role as a consultant. Not a light interview. At the end I was asked if I had any questions for them. Faced with a panel full of heavy hitting alpha male interviewers, I looked each one in the eye (I had nothing to lose!), then focused on one individual, and said clearly: I’ll ask you, because you look the scariest. I got the job. LESSON: Take control of the situation.
Remember, you are awesome and deserve to be treated as such. No-one else in the world has your unique set of skills and personality to deal with situations.
You WILL find the right work environment. Xx
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